A comedy/thriller in two acts

By

Tod C Riddle

Tod C Riddle

603 Hamilton Street

Johnson City, Tennessee 37604

(423) 914-0789

http://www.todcriddle.bravehost.com

todr@chartertn.net

(In order of appearance)

MARY……………………………… Oldest of two sisters – mid 30’s. Sweet, caring, but very determined to succeed.

BETH……………………………… Youngest of two sisters – early 30’s. Two faced and conniving. Will do anything to get what she wants.

TOM………………………………… Gardener - mid 30’s. Beth’s boyfriend and cohort.

OFFICER WILLIAMSON… Detective - 40‘s.

HOLLY…………………………… Fiancé to real gardener, late 20’s to early 30’s.

TIME

The present.

PLACE

In and around the living room of the Blaylock family cabin in the Appalachian Mountains, very rural.

SETTING

The Blaylock cabin is that of a wealthy family, rustic in nature. There is a front door, coat closet (the door must swing all the way open), staircase to the upstairs, door going to the cellar under the stairs going up, a door to the kitchen, and an opening to the den – behind the staircase back wall.

There would be modest furniture, a couch, sitting chair, phone / light table, and a hope chest as the coffee table (big enough to put dead body in). Possibly a bookcase with old books, photos, and board games. No need for a TV and such – no reception or cable. Remember this cabin is the family getaway.

ACT I

Scene 1 Friday afternoon, Three o’clock PM, Blaylock cabin.

Scene 2 Later on, Four thirty PM, Blaylock cabin.

ACT II Late that evening, Eleven forty-five PM, Blaylock

  cabin.

ACT I

SCENE 1

MARY

Beth?

(Silence.)

Did you find it?

(Silence.)

Beth, can you hear me up there?

(Thumping from upstairs. Out loud, but to herself.)

Do you believe this?

BETH

(From upstairs, cheerful - offstage.)

I found it! I found it. Here I come.

MARY

(As BETH enters from upstairs.)

You know, I’m not to sure about this. I’m not even going to be able to see the pieces or the dice. How do I know you’re not going to cheat me? You always cheated when we were kids. That’s why you always won.

BETH

(Opening box to set up game.)

Yes, Mary, you’re so right, but why should I change my ways just because you’re crippled and blind now? Would you just please sit there and relax? I’ll take care of everything. Come on, this is supposed to bring back fond memories from our childhood or something. Hell, there isn’t much else to do up here anyway.

MARY

Well, what am I supposed to do, just sit here like a lump? I can’t see.

BETH

(Dropping a magazine in MARY’s lap.)

Ok, then. Here, read this.

(Crosses through to kitchen. SHE EXITS.)

MARY

(Silence, realizing SHE’s alone.)

Beth?

(Pause.)

Beth where are you?

BETH

(Sticking head out of kitchen door.)

Look, we’ve been here 20 minutes and I already need a drink. I’m in the kitchen fixing one.

(Exit back inside kitchen – talking through kitchen door - offstage - continuing.)

This is obviously going to be a rather long weekend. I’m going to murder you.

MARY

What?

BETH

(Sticking head out of kitchen again.)

I said do you, want one, too?

(EXIT back into kitchen.)

MARY

No. Wait, yes. I mean can I have one this soon after my eye surgery?

(Silence.)

Well, can I?

BETH

(From inside kitchen, loudly - offstage.)

YES!

(ENTER from kitchen with two glasses

of wine and bottle of wine. Continuing.)

Here we are. Hope you like Red.

(Hands MARY her wine.)

MARY

(Sipping wine.)

Thank you. You don’t have to be so bitter, you know. I can only imagine how much of a strain all of this is putting on you. I don’t want to be any more of a burden to you than I already am, with your free spirit and all. It’s been so long, since you ran off with what’s his name. No phone call, no letter.

BETH

(Interrupting.)

Would you just let it rest, please?

MARY

(Continuing.)

Mom and Dad’s car accident. Me trying to handle the Estate, the lawyers. Trying to track you down. My eye surgery. Then, “woo-hoo” you just pop right up. Of course I’m going to ask for your help. I mean, who wouldn’t?

(Pause.)

Sorry you didn’t make the funeral. I couldn’t find you; I tried. I left messages everywhere for you.

BETH

Look, please. I asked you to stop. Don’t make me feel any more guilty than I already do. I just had to get away, you know that. That life wasn’t for me. Everyone was so mean. I didn’t want to put up with it anymore, so I left.

(Pause.)

I know I wasn’t there, but I’ll make up for it now. But you have to realize I couldn’t stay.

MARY

(Beginning to cry.)

I know. With Mom and Dad’s car wreck… I just can’t take anymore. It was just a horrible ordeal. I wasn’t prepared.

BETH

What’d you expect me to do? “Mary this” and “Mary that”. I was the black sheep, the outcast, and the second best in everything. I couldn’t compete. You knew that! Whatever I did, it was never good enough for them. I tried so hard, Mary.

(Pause.)

Ranching wasn’t my way. I had to get out of here for a while.

(Pause.)

Then I come home to patch things up, only to find out that my parents are dead and my sister half blind. Not to mention that I inherited half of the estate! How would you feel?

MARY

I’m sorry. I know. I’m sorry about everything. I’m glad you’re back now. We’ll work everything out.

(They both hug / cry.)

BETH

Ok, ok, enough of that. We’d better stop. We’re supposed to be resting here. I’m not sure if this crying and all is good for your eyes either.

(Wiping HER own tears.)

Besides, isn’t it about time that we took those bandages off you and see if it worked?

MARY

(Composing HERSELF.)

Yes. I guess so. I’m just a little nervous, that’s all. We’re so far away from home. I can’t believe you sided with the doctor. Why in the world he suggested me to recover here is beyond me. What do we do if something’s wrong? Like I said, I cannot take anything else.

BETH

(Removing MARY’s eye bandages.)

Would you please just shut up and let me do this? Quit your whining. Ok, now open your eyes.

MARY

(Reluctant.)

I can’t.

BETH

Would you just open your eyes, please? How are you going to tell if you keep them closed?

MARY

(Opening HER eyes slowly, the light is excruciating. SHE closes them back.)

The light, it hurts. Everything is bright. It really hurts. I think something’s wrong.

BETH

Give it a second. Roll your eyes around in your head. Ok? Now, try again.

MARY

(Opening, then closing HER eyes again, quickly - loudly.)

Ok, something is definitely wrong here, Beth! The light, it’s just way too bright. I’ve got to call the Doctor.

(Frantic.)

Where’s my cell phone?

(Feeling for purse.)

Get my cell phone; it’s in my purse. Where is my purse?

BETH

(Getting purse, getting phone from bag.)

Ok, ok. Here it is. Calm down.

MARY

(Attempting to read phone numbers on cell phone.)

I can’t see this. Here, you call him.

BETH

(Searches through phone number’s on cell phone.)

What’s his name?

MARY

Oh, his number? I saved it under “Surgeon”.

BETH

Ok, here it is. I got it.

(Calling surgeon.)

It’s not working. Oh, wait. There’s no signal. Hold on, I’ll call him from the house phone.

(Searches cell phone again for surgeon’s number, and then calls him from the cabin phone.)

Hello? Hello?

(Bad phone connection.)

Can you hear me? Hello? Yes? Ok, good. Surgeon please.

(To MARY, realizing what SHE just said.)

Mary, what’s his name?

MARY

Give me the phone. Hello? This is Mary Blaylock. I had eye surgery there a few days ago by Doctor Gooblehine for detached retinas…. Yes, I believe that there may be something wrong…. I’ve done everything he said to do…. Yes, I just took them off…. Everything is extremely bright…. Yes, they do burn and I cannot keep them open…. What do you mean that it’s normal? I wouldn’t have had this done if I had known that this was normal…. No, I can’t come by. I’m way up in the mountains, trying to relax, that’s why…. Hello? Hello? Crappy phone. Yes? Yes, I’m here…. Where’d you think I’d go, for a run in the woods? Look, when do you expect him to get done? I’d like to speak with him…. Really? Do they know that it’s going to be very bright when he’s done? Sorry, I’m just a bit edgy here…. Ok. Oh, the sunglasses. I forgot about those.

(To BETH.)

Do you have any sunglasses? I forgot mine.

BETH

Sunglasses? Yes, I believe I have mine in my purse.

(Get sunglasses from purse and give to MARY.)

MARY

(Putting on sunglasses - into phone.)

Yes, I have some; I’ve just put them on. Is that all?…. For how long?….

(Sarcastically.)

Ha, ha.

(Covers phone with hand, to BETH.)

Until I can see.

(Into phone.)

Thank you. Would you please have Doctor Gooblehine call me at this number when he’s through, I’d really like to speak with him?…. The number is 423-555-12.…. Beth, what’s the last four numbers?

BETH

(Look at phone base on table.)

1247.

MARY

(Into phone.)

1247. Yes, thank you.

(Hands phone to BETH to hang up - to BETH.)

Do you believe this? Get knocked out. Mess up my eyes. Surgery. Put on a pair of sunglasses and call me in the morning? They say that this is normal. I do not remember them saying that before I had this done. Wait until he calls me back. Where’s my wine?!! I told you I couldn’t handle much more.

(Drinks a lot.)

BETH

Is that all they said, wear sunglasses? His name was Doctor Gooblehine, right?

(To HERSELF.)

I’ll never go to him.

MARY

Well, I guess I’ll be wearing your sunglasses for a while. Do you mind? I hope that they are just joking and everything will be all right tomorrow. I should have asked them about the wine, shouldn’t I? Oh, well.

(Toasting HER glass in the air.)

At least there won’t be any problem with me drinking and driving. Give me some more, would you, please?

(Holding up HER glass.)

BETH

(Fills MARY’s glass, then starts putting board game back up.)

At least you’re having a little sense of humor here. Listen; let me put up this game. We don’t have to play now. And I’ll also put up our clothes while I’m there. Do you think you’ll be ok for a few minutes while I’m upstairs?

MARY

Yes, sure. Thought that I’d get one of dad’s 1000 piece puzzles out and give it a try. What do you think?

BETH

(Laughs.)

I think you’re on a roll. Is that enough wine for you now?

MARY

(Drinks to see how much is in glass.)

Yep, I think I’m ok, actually.

BETH

(As SHE EXITS upstairs.)

All right. I’ll be back in a few.

(MARY sits for a few seconds. SHE cannot sit still. SHE begins to fidget, then gets up to do something. In the process- knocking potpourri off of the side table, spilling it on the floor.)

MARY

(On HER knees, feeling the spill / mess.)

Good one, Mary.

(To upstairs.)

Hey, Beth? The broom and dustpan still in the coat closet?

BETH

(From upstairs - offstage.)

Yes, why?

MARY

(Going to coat closet.)

No reason.

(SHE crosses to coat closet and opens it fully, allowing audience to see a dead, bloody body in a clear/see-through garment bag hanging on inside door hook - see production notes. SHE hunts for the broom and dustpan. TOM ENTERS carrying a hand saw - through front door, not seeing MARY in coat closet. HE crosses into kitchen and EXITS.)

MARY

(Hearing something, sticking head from closet.)

Beth?

(Not hearing anything, SHE returns to inside the closet. Finding the broom / dust pan, SHE closes the closet door and crosses to spill and gets on HER hands and knees and does HER best to clean it up. Obstructed from view by couch, TOM RE-ENTERS and crosses from kitchen with saw and now a hammer too - through living room, to the den and EXITS.)

MARY

(Thinking BETH is in room, talking to no one in room.)

Say, that was quick. Sorry I made a mess here. I’m just

trying to clean this up the best I can. Keep on doing what your doing. I can get it.

(Having full dust pan and broom in hand.)

Where’s the trashcan?

(No reply – thinking BETH is back upstairs, to upstairs/ceiling.)

Where’s the trashcan?

BETH

(From upstairs - offstage.)

Where’s the trashcan? Why?

MARY

(To upstairs.)

I need to throw this away.

BETH

(From upstairs - offstage.)

I think it’s next to the coat closet.

MARY

Thanks.

(Crosses to coat closet, feels for trashcan. TOM RE-ENTERS, still carrying items, from den and sees MARY. SHE picks up trashcan and proceeds to dump dustpan and misses pail – dumping contents of dustpan onto floor. To BETH upstairs.)

I hope that I don’t make a habit of this or I’ll be cleaning up after myself all weekend long.

TOM

(Thinking BETH is talking to HIM.)

I’ll say. You missed a spot there.

(MARY slowly turns towards TOM. After a strange silence, MARY screams and attempts to place distance between HER and TOM, being not sure of where HE is. SHE should use dustpan and broom as weapon and shield.)

TOM

What? What? I don’t understand. What did I say?

MARY

Who are you? What are you doing here? Beth!

BETH

(Running down stairs, ENTERS.)

What’s going on?

(Stopping at the bottom of the stair’s – to TOM.)

Hey, who are you? What are you doing here? How’d you get in?

(Slightly recognizing HIM.)

Tom, is that you? Tom?

TOM

(To MARY.)

Yeah, it’s me. Sorry for the intrusion. I thought that you knew I was here. If I had known this would be the welcome, I would’ve come next week.

(To MARY.)

Sorry about that. I thought that you saw me.

MARY

(Still defensive, keeping the broom and dustpan up, not quite in the right direction.)

Tom who?

BETH

(Coming off stairs now, into room.)

Mary, you remember Tom. The gardener.

(To TOM.)

Sorry, groundskeeper.

(Back to MARY.)

Remember, he always took care of the place for us? I called

him before we came and told him that we were going to be up here this weekend. I asked him to spruce the place up a bit. Sorry Mary, I thought that I told you?

MARY

(Lowering the weapons.)

Tom? Oh, sorry about the screaming.

(Crosses to MARY and extends hand to shake HERS.)

Hey, no problem. I want to say I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that…

(HE keeps his hand up to shake HERS, but realizes that SHE isn’t going to. HE looks

to BETH in puzzlement.)

BETH

Sorry, she’s had eye surgery and she’s not totally healed up yet.

(Pointing to HER eyes.)

She can’t see you.

TOM

(Pointing to pile from dustpan on floor next to trashcan.)

Oh, that’s why she dumped all that on the floor. I was like, ‘What’s she doing?’

MARY

Dumped what on the floor?

BETH

(Taking broom and dust pan from MARY.)

You apparently missed the trashcan when you were trying to throw your mess away. Here, give me those.

(Lean broom / dust pan on wall next to coat closet, cross to MARY to help her.)

Don’t worry; I’ll clean this up later. You just come over here and sit on the couch and rest.

MARY

(Stopping BETH.)

You know, actually, I believe I’ve got to go upstairs.

BETH

Upstairs?

MARY

Yes, you know, upstairs…

(Leans toward BETH, whispers.)

I’ve got to go to the ladies room.

BETH

Oh, my bad. Here, let me help you.

MARY

(Trying to reach for the banister railing, missing, then getting it.)

Let me try, please. I’ll eventually have to sometime. If I stay blind, I’ll have to learn how to do things for myself.

(Laugh. Pointing to TOM as talking to BETH, but pointing wrong direction.)

Go on, keep Tom company.

(Exit upstairs.)

TOM

(Crosses to look up the stairs, to BETH.)

She actually can’t see. Wow. How long is that supposed to last?

BETH

According to Doctor Gooblehine‘s receptionist, until she can see again.

TOM

What? Doctor who?

BETH

She called the Doctor and they told her to wear sunglasses until she can see again. The only thing is, they gave no timetable as to when that would be. High tech, huh?

TOM

Oh.

(Crosses to BETH – seductively.)

Will that mess your plans up?

BETH

(Reluctant.)

Not really.

(Making sure MARY doesn’t hear, TOM gets even closer. BETH grabs HIM and THEY passionately kiss. Make it obvious that something’s up here.)

TOM

So, everything’s on schedule? This should be easier now, right? Because she can’t see what you’re doing?

BETH

Yes, but it still has to look like an accident or they won’t pay on her. What did you do with the body?

TOM

Don’t worry, I took care of it.

(HE tries to kiss HER again. BETH backs off; HER true colors are starting to come out – hateful.)

BETH

No, I asked what you did with the body?

(Goes to purse, lights cigarette).

TOM

All right, I buried him in the back, like you said to. You think she knows I’m not him?

BETH

Get real. She has so much on her mind. I really don’t think she even cares. She’s so self-centered. She can’t see past her nose.

(Laughs uncontrollably at the joke.)

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

(Sigh. THEY both cross to front of couch sit.)

She can’t see, yet her sight could come back at any time. We may have to push the time up though. Look, there are three ways I thought that we could get rid of her.

(Crosses to cellar door and opens it – pointing down.)

Because she’s blind, we could just snap her neck and push her down these cellar steps.

(Mocking of what SHE’ll do later – after MARY’s death.)

Oh, my poor, blind sister. She was so frail Officer – boo, hoo, hoo. My parents and now her. Boo, hoo, hoo.

(Cries, then abruptly stops. Closes door goes to HER purse to get out poison.)

If things don’t go right that way, I’ve got the nicotine here.

(Hold up vial.)

TOM

Nicotine? Will that work?

BETH

That’s what I heard. In it’s pure form it’s like arsenic. I’ll put it in her wine and she’ll drink it. If nothing shows up in the autopsy, then we’re off the hook. If something does show up and they start to ask questions, we’ll just tell the cops she started smoking, to calm her nerves and she started chain smoking and against our objections she continued until she smoked herself to death. That’ll work, right? I mean, come on, it has to. The way she’s been drinking tonight, believe me, I don’t think we’ll have a problem getting this into her.

TOM

(Producing gun.)

What about this?

BETH

(Taking gun from TOM.)

Give me that you idiot, what are you thinking?

TOM

I don’t know. Thought that you’d might want it back.

BETH

This is only to be used as the last resort. It has to be an accident, remember?

(Thumping HIM on the head.)

You’re not too smart are you?

TOM

Look babe, I’m just trying to help here. You’re the boss.

BETH

I’ll hide this upstairs for now. The way she’s bumping into things and knocking stuff over, she’s liable to kill us off by accident.

(Noise of MARY coming down the stairs from upstairs. BETH changes tone and topic, not to let MARY know what they’re talking about - MARY ENTERS.)

And that’s how I won…

(She laughs, pauses, and hits TOM in chest.)

TOM

Ow! What’d you do that for?

(Sees BETH pointing at the stairs.)

Oh.

(HE laughs now too, and then sighs.)

And, uh, how long will you both be here for?

MARY

(At bottom of stairs.)

Sounds like you’re having fun.

BETH

I was just telling Tom how I always won at The Mendacious Game.

MARY

(Crossing, feeling way to kitchen.)

Yeah, right. She always cheated. That’s how she won.

BETH

(Getting up, to Mary.)

Where are you going?

MARY

Oh, to the kitchen. I’m getting a little hungry and thought I’d make a sandwich. Would you two like one also?

TOM

Yes, sure. That would be wonderful.

BETH

(Giving TOM a “no you don’t“ look.)

No, thank you. I think I’m ok.

TOM

(Clears throat, changing HIS tone.)

Yeah, I’m fine also, Mary. Thanks, anyway.

MARY

Ok, if either of you need me; I’ll be in here.

(EXITS into kitchen.)

TOM

(Waits, then to BETH.)

I just wanted a small sandwich. That’s all. I’m hungry.

BETH

You don’t have time for one, remember?

TOM

Sorry. By the way, what are we looking at here?

BETH

(Confused.)

What?

TOM

You know? You’re worth 1.2 million. What’s the total when she’s done in?

BETH

The other half, stupid. Mom and Dad split it right down the middle. Half for me and half for her. Except her half is the Ranch and all the horses, this place, too. I just got money part.

TOM

What’s wrong with that?

BETH

Look, the way I was treated

(MARY RE-ENTERS from kitchen, going to hutch or something – changing subject quickly.)

And everything was just fine for a while.

(To MARY.)

You ok?

MARY

Yep, just looking, ha-ha, feeling for the scissors.

(Pulls abnormally large scissors out, crosses to kitchen.)

Everything’s ok.

(Exit to kitchen.)

BETH

(Looks at TOM, silence – continues.)

Like I was saying, the way Mom and Dad and she treated me, in there, I deserve it all. Let her be the outcast for a while; second best. See how she likes it to have to compete and really work for a living.

(Loud crash from the kitchen. BETH and TOM stand up.)

MARY

(From inside kitchen.)

I’m ok, I’m ok. I’ll clean it up later.

BETH

(Sitting back down.)

Why do I care? I hope she cuts off her arm. It’ll make it that more believable, you know. Sit back down, will you?

(Pause.)

I despise her so much. I could just spit nails.

TOM

(Worried.)

It won’t be any good if she burns the place down, you know? She might take us with it. Maybe you should go in there and see if she’s ok. I kind of like this old place the way it is.

BETH

Tom, you worry too much.

MARY

(RE-ENTER from kitchen, sandwich on plate, not put together too well.)

I’m back. I hope this tastes as good as it smells.

(TOM and BETH stand. TOM crosses behind couch.)

BETH

(Taking plate.)

Let me, we don’t want to break the china and make another mess just yet.

(Leading MARY.)

Sit here. Here’s your sandwich. Don’t choke on it now.

(TOM gives BETH a shocked look. BETH waves TOM to leave. HE doesn’t understand and looks behind HIM. SHE waves at HIM again. The waving should be near MARY, so SHE can feel it. TOM still not understanding turns all the way around trying to figure what BETH is signaling. TOM gives HER a “what” sign.)

MARY

(Feeling air from BETH’s waving arm.)

Beth, is the door open? I feel a bad draft in here. Where’s the shawl?

(Feeling for shawl on back of couch.)

I’m feeling a little cold.

BETH

Really? No, it’s not open, but let me get that shawl for you.

(Pointing towards door.)

Tom, don’t you think there is some yard work to do?

TOM

Huh? Oh, yeah. I need to get back to it. I’ll be out here.

(Gives BETH the ok sign, and a wink, wink. Leans toward MARY so SHE can hear – as if SHE’s deaf too. Yells.

I STILL HAVE A LOT TO DO OUTSIDE, YOU KNOW?

BETH

(Grabbing TOM by the arm and leading HIM to the door.)

Thank you, Tom. We’ll see you later on.

(Pushing HIM out front door, TOM EXITS.)

MARY

What was he yelling about? A bit loud wasn’t he? It’s not like I’m deaf too?

BETH

(Crossing to MARY.)

You remember what he was like. He always did that. We never did find out why.

(Biting knuckle, hoping MARY buys it.)

MARY

(As eating sandwich.)

Brrr, did you find the shawl?

BETH

Shawl? Oh, yes, the shawl.

(Crosses to broom and dust pan.)

I’ll put these up, too. Kill two birds with one stone.

(Laughing to HERSELF. BETH opens coat closet and doesn’t see body on hook. SHE puts in the broom and dustpan and reaches up on the shelf and takes down the shawl. SHE turns in the direction away from the body into the room as not to see it, takes one step and freezes. Pause. SHE slowly continues the turn toward body. Pause. Then SHE gives out a bellowing, curdling scream. MARY, caught off guard, throws sandwich into air, stands up and faces BETH – screams. BETH turns towards MARY and THEY are screaming together.)

TOM

(ENTER – running through front door. Startles MARY.)

What?!! What?!!

(MARY jumps and screams at Tom. BETH joins in. TOM sees body, gives a creeping scream and points at body, jumps back.)

BETH

(To TOM.)

I thought…? You said… .

(Turns toward body.)

It’s here.

MARY

What is it? Why are we all screaming?

TOM

I put it…? I…?

(Pointing to body.)

Where’d that come from?

MARY

Where’d what come from? Beth, what’s going on? What is it?

BETH

(Crosses to MARY and takes HER hand.)

Mary, there’s a dead body in the coat closet.